I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We need to get me chipped asap
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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