You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
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my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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