I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize