Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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