Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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