WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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