He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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