shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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