I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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