Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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