apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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