Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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