i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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