it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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