1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize