Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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