I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize