erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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