dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize