I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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