i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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