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I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
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