Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
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Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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