Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize