you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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