Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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