so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize