Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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