Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize