I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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