Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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