I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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