mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
After last night, I could never be a politician.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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