You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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