I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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