It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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