If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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