Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize