yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize