I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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