She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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