There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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