nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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