my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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