So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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