Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize