would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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