i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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