Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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