I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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